On Fights.

July 27th, 2008 by georgie-gurl

July 28, 2008. 7:07am
Mood: Somber bordering on sad
Music: The sizzle of our neighbor’s frying pan

Two
weeks ago, with a lack of better things to do, me and my friends
(Futher, Noy and Carlo) were all in front of my computer browsing on
iPhone prices and luxury bags. The phone rang. Carlo picked it up, and
for the fourth time that day, a polite lady from the credit card
company was asking for our friend, to routinely remind him about his
dues. And also for the fourth time, Carlo made an excuse and told her
our friend wasn’t around, even if he was.

After five minutes the
phone rang again, this time it was me who picked up. He was an old man
with a commanding voice, again, looking for my friend. "Asan tong taong
to?" He was rude right away. Automatically, I made something up, "Nasa
trabaho po." He said with a raised voice, "Kanina umalis, tapos
natutulog, tapos nasa trabaho. Ano ba talaga?" Woah, temper. I calmly
answered, "Wala po talaga." I was shocked by what he said next, "Hoy
tatanga tanga kang babae ka, pinapayagan nyo sya mangutang sa credit
card tapos ngayon tinatago nyo pa!" I was stunned for awhile, but
quickly snapped back. "Kuya, unang una, kung nagiisip ka, hindi sya
nagpaalam na mangutang. At hindi namin sya tinatago!" Lie. But would
anybody ever ask permission to use his own credit card? I mean really.
What a pointless argument. And as if he wasn’t rude enough, he said,
"Hoy tangang babae, sabihin mo sa baklang to, pumunta sa bangko at
magbayad nang matapos na ang pagtawag namin sa inyo!" I couldn’t
believe what I was hearing, and I couldn’t take anymore of his insults.
"A p—-ina mo kang lalake ka, wag mo akong tatawaging tanga at pano mo
nalamang bakla sya?!" I think he meant the ‘bakla’ term as an insult
not knowing that my friend was indeed gay. Funny. We exchanged a couple
more insults, then he slammed the phone on me.

I was
silent for a while, then I realized all my three friends stopped what
they were doing and now were staring at me. I have never cussed a
stranger in my life, and being my anti-confrontation self, this was
probably one of the most ‘violent’ conversations I’ve had. My heart was
thumping. So that was how it felt to bluntly curse someone. It was
intense, and I strangely enjoyed it. I just experienced the fun of a
‘baranggayan’ fight. Hahaha, I love et!

Carlo said that some
credit card agents were trained to be rude that way. Damn. I wanted his
emotions to be real, because mine were. I refuse to think that he just
‘acted’ because that would make the fight invalid.

It seems
that it’s a ‘confrontation’ season these days. I have heard of some
brawls that had happened, and it seems to be more than occasional. Is
it the weather, the mood or the moon? Do the spiked up gas prices have
something to do with it? Or is it that people are just beginning to
stand up for their rights, or at least what they believe in?

Whatever
it is, I can’t really place this whole thing under good or bad. As long
as people don’t get physically hurt, I think that a dose of
confrontation can be healthy. I like the
speak-out-your-mind-and-not-think part of it. And it’s perfect that I
did it on the phone with a complete stranger that I will never really
meet, let alone care about. But I still don’t plan on becoming a
warfreak though, I still like wearing my polite shoes.

The
conversation turned out to be effective for the credit card company
because my friend who heard the whole thing stood up and went to the
bank and pay. Wow, good job for Mr. Rude!

On Guilt

I hate the feeling of guilt. Upon feeling the trigger, it will first come as a shock–for a moment your heart stops. Then it beats faster and stronger as you literally feel yourself sinking into something smaller which enhances your heartbeat more. Most of the time you just wish that you disappear altogether.

Lately, as if fate is teasing me, testing my strength, I was poured with a lot of things to be guilty about. In short, I seem to keep messing up.

I think the amount of guilt that you feel is proportional to the amount of care that you have. If only I could just lessen the care to lessen the guilt.

I don’t know.

Having a mind that thinks too much has been a curse more than a blessing.

I don’t know.

Or probably this happens when you are bedridden for two whole days.

I don’t know.

I just wish I could walk again.

Due to some unavoidable (or not?) circumstances, I found myself living on a very tight budget last month. I had to discontinue some of the services that I enjoyed, which I thought at first as necessities, but I quickly found out that necessities are proportional to one's resources. Tight budget-- no gym, live on prepaid cards, no cab, no movies, no eating out, no shopping.. etc. No biggie, I thought. Most people are living like this. I can do it.

Fast forward. It's been a month now, and thank heavens, my resources are a bit better. I was really impressed at myself that I did it, but NO BIGGIE? I don't think so.

I was lucky enough to have generous friends who helped me get by. Let's just say that I didn't really get bored while I was on a budget. One evening some of my friends asked me to go to a birthday party somewhere Ortigas area. Normally I would quickly agree, but I had to pause and think of the money that I have left. No, the money was not enough. The problem was solved when my dear friends offered to pick me up at a place where my 'budget' would get me.

And so there I was, at an Ortigas mall patiently waiting for them, having almost no cash on me. Boy, they really had to come and get me or I would walk back home. I prettied myself that day, I was looking all dolled up for the party. At least I didn't look penniless. Humor. My phone rang and I answered it, just as a young girl (around 14) approached me. "Ate, pwede ka ba maistorbo?" Funny. "Naistorbo mo na ako." I said jokingly. The person on the other line was my friend who said they were near. The teen patiently waited until I was off the phone and asked again, "Ate, pwede ka ba maistorbo?" What is with this sentence? It was almost like a rehearsed spiel. "Ano yun?" "Ate pwede ba manghingi ng pamasahe?" I smiled so wide, my cheeks almost hurt.

This is freaking ironic. I thought to myself. This might be a 'gimmick'. But gimmick or not, of all the people to approach, she bravely asked the one who also didn't have any 'pamasahe.' I said with apology that I too, didn't have any money. She looked at me directly in the eyes and I felt her desperate plea. I said I was sorry and I meant it. Poor girl. Poor us. She quietly walked away.

This incident wouldn't have mattered to me had it happened a few months back. I guess I went through this tight moment for a whole month of learning. I learned to value every penny that I have. I learned that being happy doesn't really come from how much you have, but it comes from how much love you surround yourself with. More importantly, I learned to look at people around me and realize that I am no better. Every individual that we often take for granted has a spirit, and a story to tell.

Sometimes I ponder on who is more fortunate--a person who was given 'colorful' struggles or a person with a 'plain' comfortable world? Probably the answer is no one. No one is luckier. I believe that balance defines every life. One is not exactly 'unluckier' than the other. The experiences that we learn first hand are priceless, as equal to the comfort that we have when we have no worries.


I'm ALMOST (still not quite) back to my old, more comfortable lifestyle but I know that I will never look at things the same way again. Because of what I went through, suddenly everything around me has bigger value.

=)

my birthday poem

another year..
should be time to cheer..

christmas has just passed..
i am aging so fast..

learned so much..
my soul was touched..

almost lost friends..
i have to make ammends...

so much love..
from down, sides and above...

if i should reflect..
i did feel wrecked..

today must be happy..
why do i feel crappy..

mama so far away...
i am still alone today.

What happens if you let go?

Clean Sheet

Yesterday was my third day this week to go to the bank-- my third attempt to get a replacement ATM card. This unfortunate occurence was sursprisingly not frustrating for me, since I actually enjoyed going back to the bank inside the University. It's been a while since i visited the University, and I forgot how I loved it there. The huge trees, the yellow jeeps, the unpolluted air, the students on slippers, the old halls-- still feel like home.

As I was absentmindedly thumbing my ipod, waiting for my card at the New Accounts Section, I heard footsteps approaching, and a man was saying, "You'll be a bank manager, the money pays well.. don't you love it here, son?" I thought it was probably a father touring an Accounting freshie inside the campus bank. When I looked up, I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a young father talking to his son, a toddler (not more than 3 yrs old) who was busy sucking on his thumb. I couldn't help but smile, and as the father glanced at me, he also smiled back.

Just as when the clerk called my attention and made me sign a few things, the mom (I assumed) rushed in the bank, waving a piece of paper to the father saying, "Dad, here it is, baby Milo's birth certificate." She was a short plump woman, who one can immediately presume has always alot to say. "Miss, we will open an account for my son", she said. "What are the requirements?" As the clerk enumerated the requirements, she was nodding frantically saying "uhuh, we have that" in between. Woah. She was indeed ready to open an account this instant. For her son.

The clerk then gave them the papers that they had to fill-up. The dad was the one who reached for them and instantly sat down to get started. "Do both parents have to sign?" the mom asked the clerk. "No ma'am, just one." "Any one of us?" "Yes ma'am, anyone of you."

The mom then turned to the dad who was half way filling up the first page. "What are you doing?" the lady asked her husband. "Signing these, can't you see?"--dad. "I should be signing it."--mom "Why not me?"--dad "Because I'm the mom."--mom. The man gave his wife a quizzical look and shook his head. Mom-- "Okay fill it up but put my name, not yours." The husband, who apparently accepted defeat silently said "Ok." and continued with the papers.

At this moment, the mother sat her son on a chair, gave the child a pen and a clean sheet of paper and said, "Here baby, this is the paper that you have to sign for your bank account." The child happily doodled away.

Stupid me, for a second I wondered if the bank really needed the toddler's signature, but i quickly realized that the mom was just making her son feel involved in this family event-- his very own bank account opening.

The clerk handed me my card, made me sign one last time and we said our thanks. As I was walking out of the bank, I couldn't help but feel envy. Lucky child. Aside from the fact that people were fighting to look after him, he had a clean sheet. Literally and figuratively.

Meridith Grey said that children are lucky to be brand new. Pure, untouched, unprocessed. They have a whole lifetime to decide what and how to write on their clean sheets of paper. Sometimes I wish i still have that priviledge. As we grow older, all the decisions we make, how we live our lives, eventually define who we really are. Sometimes we are careful, sometimes we are not. Sometimes we look at our sheets and see what we want to erase, and see how much erasures we have done already. People with less erasures are either too careful, or too carefree. And people with many erasures are those with alot of realizations, and want to change along the way.

I would say that my sheet has little erasure, because I would say that I am under careful and carefree at the same time. And this point, as I look at my paper, there are ALOT of erasures that I want to make. Maybe I am starting to think things back. Maybe I am not liking what I see on my sheet so far. But I am being positive. I have to. I believe that I still have alot of time to carefully design my paper, carefully layout my life. I have big realizations lately, and I am excited to start the erasures, the changes. I think I'm ready for anything.

My sheet (and my blog haha.) will be underrenovation soon.. so i'll keep you posted. =)

How about you? How's your sheet going?